STRESS. ANXIETY AND
WHAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT MANAGING IT
PERSON ONE TO ONE AND ONLINE SESSIONS
begin by examining anger given, how often in the Western society,
we are not really allowed to look and examine this all important,
Anger is a natural emotion where mild anger often
results from feeling tired, stressed or irritated. Then we may
become angry when reacting to frustration, criticism or a threat.
Sometimes we can feel irritated by other peoples beliefs, opinions
or actions and this can often result in suppressing the way
we communicate which can lead to a situation where we may say
unreasonable or irrational things. Here being unreasonable or
irrational can lead people around us to feel threatened, resentful
or angry themselves leading to communication completely breaking
Anger can also be a secondary emotion which appears when I have
worked with people who were sad, frightened, threatened or feeling
So some of the common triggers
for anger can be:
Grief and / or sadness, the loss of a family
member, partner or friend
Rudeness from people with poor interpersonal skills
Tiredness - hunger - sexual frustration - unrealistic deadlines
Injustice in the sense of infidelity, being bullied, humiliated
or embarrassed, or being told that you or someone you love has
a serious illness
Money problems and the stress associated with debt
Reaching a point in our life where we feel a failure or are
disappointed with life as it is now
Becoming angry as a result of taking drugs or alcohol or when
withdrawing from drugs or alcohol
Managing Anger does not mean internalizing or suppressing your
anger given how anger is a normal human emotional response.
However, a times anger often reduces our inhibitions and we
then act inappropriately which we later regret and then develop
negative feelings and responses to clearly expressing our anger.
So, sometimes we need to re-learn how to positively work with
and express our anger.
Do you need to work with managing
how you express your anger?
Has your angry behaviour led to a criminal or
civil wrong doing from drugs or alcohol
A crime against either ourselves or someone we love such theft,
violence, sexual offenses or basically feeling that we or someone
we love has been treated badly.
Those times when we either physically or mentally unwell or
being in pain or living with a serious illness.
Are you violent towards your partner children or other people
Do you threaten violence to people or property
Have your outbursts of rage resulted in your deliberately breaking
Do you appear to have constant arguments with people close to
you, your partner, parents, children, colleagues or friends
Do you often feel angry but you internalize your angry feelings
because you don't think you should express your emotions or
you are fearful of how angry you will become if you do let the
In my work with people I begin by helping people to consciously
recognise when they feel angry instead of confusing with other
Also I focus on locating certain key emotions and resulting
thoughts that lead towards the powerful feelings of anger.
Then we need to explore and understand angry feelings and the
thoughts related to such action and feeling and find ways of
expressing the anger in a balanced way.
Often it is important to
Plan difficult conversations and here if you
are worried about a conversation which may leave your feeling
angry start the conversation by taking control of the situation.
For example why not take notes before hand, planning what you
want to say in a calm and assertive way.
Realise how solutions are more important than problems and here
it can be helpful for you to identify in your own mind what
it is that made you angry in the first place. Then you can focus
on a way to resolve such problems so that they don't arise again
in the future.
Learning how to express yourself and often we need to calm down
from the anger so that we can express ourselves in a calm and
collected way by being assertive without being aggressive.
Work on not holding grudges against people . Everyone is different
and it is clear how we can't control the feelings, beliefs or
behaviours of others. So be realistic and accept that people
are different in their thinking.
Decide on the best time so that you avoid conversation that
may make you angry when you are feeling tired, distracted or
stressed given how we all are more likely to behave in an angry
way when we are not clear in our mind.
begin with here is a short term way of dealing with anger by
isolating ourselves for around 15 minutes and then concentrating
on relaxing by :
- Inhaling and exhaling deeply for 3 or 4 times in a row and
then count slowly to four as you inhale and the count slowly
to eight as you exhale.
- Focus on feeling the air move in and out of your lungs and
then concentrate and feel your ribs slowly rise and fall as
a you repeat the exercise again. Then take a short break and
begin the exercise again.
- Stop and revert to normal breathing if you start to feel dizzy
at any time.
Anger as well as stress creates ill health with
some of the most common symptoms being :
aches and pain usually in the back and head
high blood pressure which is severe cases can lead to serious
conditions such as heart attack or strokes
Sleep problems (see Importance of sleep and insomnia)
(insert of link content to help us sleep
avoid large meals before bedtime as they can make us feel uncomfortable
and prevent us from falling or even staying asleep.
Avoid caffeine and alcohol at least a couple of hours before
going to bed.
Create and maintain a good sleep environment which is quiet,
dark cool and comfortable.
Stick to a routine so you make sure you get enough sleep. This
is based the fact that most adults need between 7 to 9 hours
sleep per day and attempt to keep to a regular time to go to
Here is the big one in today's modern lifestyle - avoid watching
TV, using a computer, tablet or similar device and instead try
reading or listening to calming or enthralling music and try
to take a warm bath in the evening to relax.
remember that your body needs to remain cool at night so make
sure a bath is a few hours before bedtime and sleep with an
open window of fan running or lighter blanket during the warm
Problems with skin conditions, digestion, reduced pain thresholds
)see my work with chronic pain management) and impaired immune
system leading to illness.
this link to read more detail about dealing with sleep problems
can also lead to psychological problems including :
Forms of reactive depression with Common factors
Major life changes - suffering abuse or experiencing conflict
with people we love - having substance abuse issues - being
socially isolated - having a chronic illness especially from
my clinical experience chronic pain
Reduced self confidence
Eating disorders - alcoholism and / or drug abuse along with
self - injury
let's explore stress and anxiety by following this link to the
dedicated page here on my website