Steven Warren working with Anger, Stresss and Anxiety

ANGER, STRESS. ANXIETY AND WHAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT MANAGING IT

ONE TO ONE AND ONLINE SESSIONS

Naturally there are a number of elements to such a discussion and so I have created two section:

The first focuses on managing anger and the second on managing stress and anxiety. Here are the two links to each of these topics:

MANAGING ANGER

MANAGING STRESS AND ANXIETY

Managing Anger Stress and Anxiety

Let's begin by examining anger given, how often in the Western society, we are not really allowed to look and examine this all important, natural response. Then we will examine Stress and Anxiety here on this page of my website and explore how I work with people in dealing with these natural but powerful feelings.

ANGER

SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS

Anger is a natural emotion where mild anger often results from feeling tired, stressed or irritated. Then we may become angry when reacting to frustration, criticism or a threat.

Sometimes we can feel irritated by other peoples beliefs, opinions or actions and this can often result in suppressing the way we communicate which can lead to a situation where we may say unreasonable or irrational things. Here being unreasonable or irrational can lead people around us to feel threatened, resentful or angry themselves leading to communication completely breaking down.

Anger can also be a secondary emotion which appears when I have worked with people who were sad, frightened, threatened or feeling lonely.

So some of the common triggers for anger can be:

Grief and / or sadness, the loss of a family member, partner or friend

Rudeness from people with poor interpersonal skills

Tiredness - hunger - sexual frustration - unrealistic deadlines

Injustice in the sense of infidelity, being bullied, humiliated or embarrassed, or being told that you or someone you love has a serious illness

Money problems and the stress associated with debt

Reaching a point in our life where we feel a failure or are disappointed with life as it is now

Becoming angry as a result of taking drugs or alcohol or when withdrawing from drugs or alcohol

Managing Anger does not mean internalizing or suppressing your anger given how anger is a normal human emotional response. However, a times anger often reduces our inhibitions and we then act inappropriately which we later regret and then develop negative feelings and responses to clearly expressing our anger. So, sometimes we need to re-learn how to positively work with and express our anger.

Do you need to work with managing how you express your anger?

Has your angry behaviour led to a criminal or civil wrong doing from drugs or alcohol

A crime against either ourselves or someone we love such theft, violence, sexual offenses or basically feeling that we or someone we love has been treated badly.

Those times when we either physically or mentally unwell or being in pain or living with a serious illness.

Are you violent towards your partner children or other people

Do you threaten violence to people or property

Have your outbursts of rage resulted in your deliberately breaking things

Do you appear to have constant arguments with people close to you, your partner, parents, children, colleagues or friends

Do you often feel angry but you internalize your angry feelings because you don't think you should express your emotions or you are fearful of how angry you will become if you do let the anger out.

In my work with people I begin by helping people to consciously recognise when they feel angry instead of confusing with other emotions.

Also I focus on locating certain key emotions and resulting thoughts that lead towards the powerful feelings of anger.

Then we need to explore and understand angry feelings and the thoughts related to such action and feeling and find ways of expressing the anger in a balanced way.

Often it is important to

Plan difficult conversations and here if you are worried about a conversation which may leave your feeling angry start the conversation by taking control of the situation. For example why not take notes before hand, planning what you want to say in a calm and assertive way.

Realise how solutions are more important than problems and here it can be helpful for you to identify in your own mind what it is that made you angry in the first place. Then you can focus on a way to resolve such problems so that they don't arise again in the future.

Learning how to express yourself and often we need to calm down from the anger so that we can express ourselves in a calm and collected way by being assertive without being aggressive.

Work on not holding grudges against people . Everyone is different and it is clear how we can't control the feelings, beliefs or behaviours of others. So be realistic and accept that people are different in their thinking.

Decide on the best time so that you avoid conversation that may make you angry when you are feeling tired, distracted or stressed given how we all are more likely to behave in an angry way when we are not clear in our mind.

To begin with here is a short term way of dealing with anger by isolating ourselves for around 15 minutes and then concentrating on relaxing by :

- Inhaling and exhaling deeply for 3 or 4 times in a row and then count slowly to four as you inhale and the count slowly to eight as you exhale.

- Focus on feeling the air move in and out of your lungs and then concentrate and feel your ribs slowly rise and fall as a you repeat the exercise again. Then take a short break and begin the exercise again.

- Stop and revert to normal breathing if you start to feel dizzy at any time.

Our Health

Anger as well as stress creates ill health with some of the most common symptoms being :

aches and pain usually in the back and head

high blood pressure which is severe cases can lead to serious conditions such as heart attack or strokes

Sleep problems (see Importance of sleep and insomnia)
(insert of link content to help us sleep

avoid large meals before bedtime as they can make us feel uncomfortable and prevent us from falling or even staying asleep.

Avoid caffeine and alcohol at least a couple of hours before going to bed.

Create and maintain a good sleep environment which is quiet, dark cool and comfortable.

Stick to a routine so you make sure you get enough sleep. This is based the fact that most adults need between 7 to 9 hours sleep per day and attempt to keep to a regular time to go to bed.

Here is the big one in today's modern lifestyle - avoid watching TV, using a computer, tablet or similar device and instead try reading or listening to calming or enthralling music and try to take a warm bath in the evening to relax.

However remember that your body needs to remain cool at night so make sure a bath is a few hours before bedtime and sleep with an open window of fan running or lighter blanket during the warm months.

Problems with skin conditions, digestion, reduced pain thresholds )see my work with chronic pain management) and impaired immune system leading to illness.

Follow this link to read more detail about dealing with sleep problems

Anger can also lead to psychological problems including :

Forms of reactive depression with Common factors including :

Major life changes - suffering abuse or experiencing conflict with people we love - having substance abuse issues - being socially isolated - having a chronic illness especially from my clinical experience chronic pain

Reduced self confidence

Eating disorders - alcoholism and / or drug abuse along with self - injury

Now let's explore stress and anxiety by following this link to the dedicated page here on my website