my thirty year career, specialising in loss, transition and
change, I have worked with people as they journey through
the natural, but crucial, stages of recovery following the
end of an important relationship.
I am now sharing these powerful insights with you on a one
to one supportive basis through 'virtual sessions' that focus
on 'Rebuilding When a Relationship Ends', based on the format
of seminars I have created since 1992. Now you do not have
to live in the United Kingdom to take advantage of the tools
available to you.
During our work together we will go through a multiple stage
process, tailor made to your specific needs, helping you break
free of your old patterns in order to build a solid foundation
for strong relationships in the future.
After a relationship ends you can either grow from the experience
or endlessly repeat a destructive pattern. My series 'Rebuilding
When a Relationship Ends' will assist you in creating a new
future, free from the destructive habits of your past.
Of course not all relationships end when a partner leaves;
some will end when a partner dies. Rebuilding needs to occur
during all of these powerful life transitions.
Whatever the source of your loss, our sessions will help you
discover that your feelings are entirely normal, natural and
experienced by many people. You have the painful feelings
that are a part of an all important process when a committed,
deep relationship comes to an end. You are not alone.
During our telephone sessions, you will discover the key stages
of what happens to us after a relationship ends and how to
successfully navigate through them.
Our one to one 'virtual sessions' include written (and recorded
material for those who prefer audio) as well as selected video
recordings to explore and work with the various aspects of
rebuilding your future when a relationship ends.
is a proven 15-step process of both adjustment and recovery
which I outline in summary below. These natural patterns of
adaptation are similar to many major life transitions which
result from the ending of either an identity such as work;
personal illness; loss of role and direction in our lives
or the death of a loved one. Adaptation and healing so that
we can move forwards to the next all important stage in our
or listen to my audio recording exploring a short selection
of the fifteen rebuilding blocks we work with
When a Relationship Ends' embraces the following themes:
When we discover that our relationship is ending
we often don't want anyone to know. Why, often we are afraid
to admit failure and we also fear rejection from our friends
and family.. We work through this initial and all important
stage which includes both fear and adaptation.
where many daily living habits must be altered now our partner
has gone. Suddenly it has happened and you are all alone.
Thoughts such as 'I'm going to be lonely like this forever'
can be overwhelming and it is natural to believe that we are
never going to know the companionship of another relationship
again. Here we need to work on supportive friendships but
then we encounter the next stage of..
Usually there is one person in the relationship who is more
responsible for deciding on the end and the other is the one
who is left. The adjustment process is different for each
person taking on these roles and we work through the role
which you are coming to terms with.
this is an important part of the recovery process, grief combines
overwhelming sadness with a feeling of despair, which makes
this a challenging part of the process and one where you need
the most support if you are not going to get stuck at this
all important part of rebuilding.
Most people are not aware that they could be capable of such
rage because they have not been this angry before. It is particularly
important for your recovery to find clear ways of appropriately
working through your anger in order to move forward in your
is tough because of the strong emotional ties which remain
but nevertheless we have to stop investing in our previous
relationship if we are to move forward to a future life.
- Concept or Self Worth
focuses on feelings of self worth and self esteem and for
many self concept is at an all time low when a relationship
ends. We have invested so much of ourselves in the relationship
and so naturally when it ends how we feel about ourselves
are at an often devastating all time low. So, rebuilding ones
self concept is a tough job.
are important in our rebuilding to help us to both face and
overcome the emotional pain however many friends may take
sides or judge us at such a time or it may be as a result
of our emotional pain and fear of rejection by people around
us. Here we work on rebuilding social relationships with friends
old and new who understand our emotional pain without rejecting
all of the difficulties that remain from your past in your
life as well as the ending of your relationship. This is a
crucial rebuilding elements because many people believe that
they have left it all behind but when a new close, loving
relationship begins you sadly discover the leftovers are still
at this stage is often when they reply 'I thought I knew what
love was, but I guess I was wrong'. So ending a relationship
will encourage us to re-examine what love is. Here we explore
a crucial element for rebuilding our future lives and that
is exploring the process of learning to love ourselves for
if we do not love ourselves how can we expect anybody else
to love us?
the centre of the whole of our work in rebuilding because
it takes a good deal of time to be able to risk in becoming
emotionally close to some again.
is where most of us tend to react emotionally and irrationally
at this time in our lives. Most people are more or less terrified
at the thought of meeting a potential partner because they
feel unattractive, unsure of themselves and fearful of awkwardness.
At this stage for many dating is confusing and uncertain and
so no wonder sexual hang ups are so common.
'What can we learn from crisis and the end of a
relationship and how can we improve our future relationships?'
Such vital questions being us to the issue of equal responsibility
in relationships and so we have to explore elements of over
and under responsibility from our past relationship because
without equality relationships are not able to adjust to stress
and change. Partners find it easier to grow and to be themselves
when they relate on an adult love and it takes time to learn
how to build such relationships.
is where, regardless of your previous experiences, you grow
as an independent person. During this adjustment process you
allow yourself to let go of the past and in doing so learn
how to be whole and complete within yourself and so singleness
is not just going to be OK it is a necessary process.
is a point where this final stage has two dimensions. The
first is freedom of choice which results once you have worked
through the rebuilding process with me. The second we explore
is the freedom to be yourself given how many of us carry around
a burden of unmet needs resulting in controlling us so that
we cannot be the person we wish to be.
You are actually enabling people towards positive help.
. your openness - your willingness to share yourself and not
stand above us ' Group
When Your Relationship Ends