You now need to stop investing in your former relationship and it is easier to let go if you realise your life is now full rather than empty. Dumpers tend to let go more quickly, often because they have let go even before they acted and left the relationship. Failure to let go may be a symtpin that you are not facing some painful feelings within yourself.
Stella: 'Harry left me four years ago and he immediately remarried.'
Steven 'I notice you are still wearing a wedding ring.'
Stella: 'Yes it is very important to me.'
Steven : 'And when you wrote a cheque for your therapy Harry's name is still on the bank account.'
Stella: 'yes I guess I just can't let go.'
First what is the definition of letting go? Imagine your hands clasped together with the fingers intertwined, and then imagine pulling those hands apart while you continue to clasp. that gives you a graphic image of what we are talking about. It involves the painful letting go of all the strong emotinal feelings for another person.
It is common for people to claim that they want to be friends during the 'honeymoon period' of divorce then when the dumper guilt and dumpee anger sit in the desire to stay friends begins to disappear. But many people strive so hard to remain freidns that they fail to let go and with this fail to let the anger come and help them do it. As a result it is often desirable not to maintain the friendship during the early stage and wait untl after you ahve let go. Trying to be friends may prolong the process and even endanger the possibility of being friends later on.
Have you finally let go?
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